Is it March already?! Doesn't feel like it at all, even if we change the clocks this weekend, the frigid temperatures have ensured that we remain in a deep winter freeze and firmly in a Siberian state of mind. On that note, one will have to forgive me if my take on the recent Oscars shindig is equally entrenched in a nuclear winter mindset - but I can use the chill in my bones as excuse for having little patience for the whole thing!
First off, and maybe it's just me, but I kinda do have some trouble with all of the self-flagellating self-congratulatory and outright self-ism of the mere concept of a bunch of famous rich people celebrating, well, themselves, while the economy is a disaster, tens of millions are unemployed, and the country's sons/daughters are off fighting two wars for God-knows-what; coming home missing limbs or worse in pine boxes. Isn't there something terribly tacky and tasteless about it?
But as the song goes, "...the public wants, what the public gets", and if you believe Hollywood, the people want Oscar! Our heroes are so adorable and simultaneously adored by us that we want to be reminded how wonderful they are, and how beautiful they look, and how much more successful they have been, as we sit home on a Sunday night dreading the thought of the office next morning, or for many, dreading the coming-back-to-unemployed-reality on yet another useless Monday.
But that's okay, because Brad or George or Jack or (new It boy) Jared or Ange or J-Law or Cate or Meryl are simply so magnificent, n'est-ce pas? And can someone please explain to me what's so awe-inspiringly out-of-this-world about a youngish male actor taking his mom to see Oscar? The media get down on their knees in further adulation and adoration because some rich, famous guy flies his mom out to Hollywood for the big night? By so doing, even further inducing female media personalities to go weak at the knees (and seemingly wet between them) at the sight of them, and out come heaps of dripping, salivatory "ooh"s and "ahh"s.
What's all the fuss about? Is it because their husbands don't treat their moms(in-law) so well, which is nothing to boast about, or is it that it is somehow more praiseworthy when it is such a famous man, and yet, rejoice, he actually finds time for his old mom? He could be with some hot model or for the double whammy, some actress! Yet he chose his mom?! It is ridiculous, and every normal one of us would probably sooner take our mom than our girlfriend to the Oscars, because, well, she made us. Get over it Hollywood, it's enough already!
This whole fascination with actors escapes me. I can see why one looks at a Paul McCartney (oops, Sir Paul!) or Eric Clapton (among tons of others) in awe - they have produced art of their own, on their own, from their genius, then recorded and toured it all over the world, for many decades. Facing an audience night after night for inspection by the buying public, and wowing 'em over and over again - often even more than on record. The best musicians are at their best, live, facing their public.
What's all the fuss about? Is it because their husbands don't treat their moms(in-law) so well, which is nothing to boast about, or is it that it is somehow more praiseworthy when it is such a famous man, and yet, rejoice, he actually finds time for his old mom? He could be with some hot model or for the double whammy, some actress! Yet he chose his mom?! It is ridiculous, and every normal one of us would probably sooner take our mom than our girlfriend to the Oscars, because, well, she made us. Get over it Hollywood, it's enough already!
This whole fascination with actors escapes me. I can see why one looks at a Paul McCartney (oops, Sir Paul!) or Eric Clapton (among tons of others) in awe - they have produced art of their own, on their own, from their genius, then recorded and toured it all over the world, for many decades. Facing an audience night after night for inspection by the buying public, and wowing 'em over and over again - often even more than on record. The best musicians are at their best, live, facing their public.
Actors? Perhaps it's an over-simplification, but actors spend their professional lives imitating much more interesting lives with richer stories to tell than their own. Further, actors are truly the talking dummies of the massive production of art required to make a big movie - they don't write the book, they don't write the screenplay, they don't produce (generally speaking) the film, and even while speaking the words of another, they need to take direction on how to say it, and when, and they don't direct how the bigger picture takes shape and forms the whole. They are just the blank canvas onto which the director's vision is imprinted, with yes, a little help from themselves.
Now before the whining public ("How dare he put down the noble profession of acting? I will fight to the death for my Tom Cruise!") gets all irradiated, let me clarify it: I am not putting down the profession at all. It surely does require a modicum (in many, many cases) or a truckload (the elite in Hollywood) of talent to successfully pretend to be another, but it is not brain surgery nor is it nuclear physics nor is it even house construction. I am not putting acting down, at all, rather I am merely placing it in context, putting it in its rightful place. It sits where it belongs - it's an art form, but hardly of any heroic nature.
You know? Perhaps I have inadvertently explained the very reason why the Oscars exist - a Hollywood chock-full of insecurity and delicate egos and acting divas absolutely needs to have its yearly bash similarly chock-full of "aren't we all wonderful?" shenanigans, because for the rest of the year they are people whose job it is (if they are one of the lucky ones) to be the blank slates that they are, and even fool themselves into becoming someone else; someone with a real life. Trust me, a lot of the self-congratulatory swagger evaporates quicker than next morning's hangover after the after-parties, if the next gig ain't lined up!
The very need for the offensive display of golden hardware and back-slapping hubris is testament in and of itself as to how empty their profession often is - the mere act of imitation, on a daily basis, repeated over and over, to the tune of millions of dollars in salary and a(n) (un)healthy dose of heroism attached to the cash. The public gets what the public wants and it seems that a great deal of the public sees heroes in their favourite actors - something which is truly one of the great miscarriages of justice in modern times.
Look me in the eyes people and admit that you would readily fawn over the ridiculously over-hyped Brangelina, for example, with tears in your eyes upon being one of the blessed few who gets to actually touch their sacred hands, but would happily walk past that Afghanistan war veteran in the wheelchair across the street. The senseless worship of the worthless few in the face of the criminal negligence shown towards so many real deal heroes - because money and fame trump all in this society that we live in.
I actually could not watch the show for long this year because not only am I kinda done with award shows for the rich and famous, in general, but add in a host who is salivated over for reasons I cannot comprehend personally, and you have a nausea-inducing mix. I found Ellen Degeneres to be boring as hell, and I was not alone. Almost anyone that I asked was flicking back and forth between other programs and the Oscars, doing their best to avoid the not-so-funny so-called funny bits, to check only on who won what.
Oscar likes his fair share of venom and acid in the host's digs, and yet this is not Ellen's forte; if she indeed still has one. The lashing of the legendary diva Liza Minnelli was a disgrace in my opinion, and a clear sign that Degeneres has degenerated desperately: anything for a laugh, anything for more fame, anything for another buck. It appears to be almost a felony to say anything other than sycophantic praise for Ms. Degeneres, and I would love to know why.
Is it due to some form of reverse political correctness? If one says something harsh and critical about her, and/or God forbid to her, then one will be presumed to be a homophobic bigot? And yet, how ironic that she herself was accused of "transphobia" for her insultingly cheap shot at my Liza? You can bet that had someone shot a similar slur at her, there would have been Twiiter outrage a go-go, a nation in fury, and you can also bet that old Ellen woulda milked it for all it was worth. And how come she has not been forced to issue an apology - something she would surely have demanded had anyone else insulted a celebrity due to gender/sexuality issues.
Ah, but with success, fame and fortune comes the Godhead syndrome, and the I-am-never- wrong phenotype. I saw her talking to Robin Roberts just pre-Oscars, and among other self-serving things she said, already basking in the glow of Oscar-induced spotlight, was, "I don't want to hurt anybody". Yet she calls out Liza Minelli mere hours later, and accuses her of being a man impersonating a woman called Liza Minelli, to get a laugh and earn another buck? Shame on you, Ms. Degenerated!
Apart from all that, I could care less about her sexual preferences or her and old Portia, and their much-publicised much-showed off lives and lifestyle and homes, and it's not because she maybe used to be a groundbreaking lesbian comedian that I am not supposed to say out loud that her hosting of the Oscars was a cringe-worthy shambles and a total borefest? The pizza schtick alone had me reaching for the vomitarium, as I could feel my own pizza dough rising once more. The pizza resurrection no less!
In the words of the Hollywood Reporter: "Ellen flops in long, boring, self-involved show."
"As a television event, this year's Oscars was more like an endurance test -- turgid, badly directed, poorly produced and featuring an endless string of tired or wince-inducing moments from host Ellen DeGeneres."
You know? Perhaps I have inadvertently explained the very reason why the Oscars exist - a Hollywood chock-full of insecurity and delicate egos and acting divas absolutely needs to have its yearly bash similarly chock-full of "aren't we all wonderful?" shenanigans, because for the rest of the year they are people whose job it is (if they are one of the lucky ones) to be the blank slates that they are, and even fool themselves into becoming someone else; someone with a real life. Trust me, a lot of the self-congratulatory swagger evaporates quicker than next morning's hangover after the after-parties, if the next gig ain't lined up!
The very need for the offensive display of golden hardware and back-slapping hubris is testament in and of itself as to how empty their profession often is - the mere act of imitation, on a daily basis, repeated over and over, to the tune of millions of dollars in salary and a(n) (un)healthy dose of heroism attached to the cash. The public gets what the public wants and it seems that a great deal of the public sees heroes in their favourite actors - something which is truly one of the great miscarriages of justice in modern times.
Look me in the eyes people and admit that you would readily fawn over the ridiculously over-hyped Brangelina, for example, with tears in your eyes upon being one of the blessed few who gets to actually touch their sacred hands, but would happily walk past that Afghanistan war veteran in the wheelchair across the street. The senseless worship of the worthless few in the face of the criminal negligence shown towards so many real deal heroes - because money and fame trump all in this society that we live in.
I actually could not watch the show for long this year because not only am I kinda done with award shows for the rich and famous, in general, but add in a host who is salivated over for reasons I cannot comprehend personally, and you have a nausea-inducing mix. I found Ellen Degeneres to be boring as hell, and I was not alone. Almost anyone that I asked was flicking back and forth between other programs and the Oscars, doing their best to avoid the not-so-funny so-called funny bits, to check only on who won what.
Oscar likes his fair share of venom and acid in the host's digs, and yet this is not Ellen's forte; if she indeed still has one. The lashing of the legendary diva Liza Minnelli was a disgrace in my opinion, and a clear sign that Degeneres has degenerated desperately: anything for a laugh, anything for more fame, anything for another buck. It appears to be almost a felony to say anything other than sycophantic praise for Ms. Degeneres, and I would love to know why.
Is it due to some form of reverse political correctness? If one says something harsh and critical about her, and/or God forbid to her, then one will be presumed to be a homophobic bigot? And yet, how ironic that she herself was accused of "transphobia" for her insultingly cheap shot at my Liza? You can bet that had someone shot a similar slur at her, there would have been Twiiter outrage a go-go, a nation in fury, and you can also bet that old Ellen woulda milked it for all it was worth. And how come she has not been forced to issue an apology - something she would surely have demanded had anyone else insulted a celebrity due to gender/sexuality issues.
Ah, but with success, fame and fortune comes the Godhead syndrome, and the I-am-never- wrong phenotype. I saw her talking to Robin Roberts just pre-Oscars, and among other self-serving things she said, already basking in the glow of Oscar-induced spotlight, was, "I don't want to hurt anybody". Yet she calls out Liza Minelli mere hours later, and accuses her of being a man impersonating a woman called Liza Minelli, to get a laugh and earn another buck? Shame on you, Ms. Degenerated!
Apart from all that, I could care less about her sexual preferences or her and old Portia, and their much-publicised much-showed off lives and lifestyle and homes, and it's not because she maybe used to be a groundbreaking lesbian comedian that I am not supposed to say out loud that her hosting of the Oscars was a cringe-worthy shambles and a total borefest? The pizza schtick alone had me reaching for the vomitarium, as I could feel my own pizza dough rising once more. The pizza resurrection no less!
In the words of the Hollywood Reporter: "Ellen flops in long, boring, self-involved show."
"As a television event, this year's Oscars was more like an endurance test -- turgid, badly directed, poorly produced and featuring an endless string of tired or wince-inducing moments from host Ellen DeGeneres."
Agreed. Couldn't have said it more accurately myself. I find Ellen to be totally in love with herself, first and foremost, as well as with her own fame - of which she wants more and more and more. I think the poor girl made the huge fundamental error of believing her own (originating inside her own head) hype and thinking that the masses wanted to see an Oscar show resembling her talk show, i.e. it's all about me, people! The Ellen Degeneres Show, but degenerated into a multi-hour yawnfest? It was a huge miscalculation because everyone of us was reaching for the remote. It was neither funny nor entertaining.
Having her own talk show where she gets to commit DWTS suicide every day on the audience steps, in some ridiculously cringe-inducing ritual with a screaming gaggle of girls approving every gesture doesn't appear to be enough. She needs more adulation. I found her baiting of our Oprah, and her unrestrained pseudo-demand to be on the cover of "O Magazine" to be completely execrable, I'm afraid. Devoid of any class and totally lacking in good taste. Her willingness to do L'Oreal ads that verged on the ridiculous with her faking sauntering down some stairs like a supermodel arriving on the catwalk were so amateurish that I am amazed L'Oreal approved and released them. But I guess the director got what he could out of the shoot, and it was too costly to do again?
And let's not talk American Idol please - a massive, massive error by Simon Cowell et al. that derailed that show then, and its aftershocks are still being felt today in the struggling franchise. Quite what Ellen was doing on that show is totally beyond many, because she is neither skilled, trained, educated nor articulate about the technical art of singing, and knows nothing about the music business. No, Ellen, saying "But I love music!" does not count and should never have earned you a seat beside the inestimable talents of Mr. Simon Cowell. Even if it did earn you yet another truckload of cash, and that's what it's all about, right?
Ditto, the Oscars. Come back Billy Crystal, all is forgiven, especially as there is nothing to forgive anyway. He is a genius and he does know how to handle that gig, and carry it off with magical aplomb. But his shoes are enormous, and her tiny feet could not fill the shoes enough to even keep them on, and they flopped off of her very early in the performance. Oscar committee members - we will forgive you the 2014 debacle, but do not repeat the mistake and do not have her on again in the next five years. She needs to go back to her day job and recover in front of her sycophantic audience who no doubt will scream (in pain) at every single mention of Oscar by she-who-has-degenerated.
The facade aspect is always fun to watch though. There I was thinking, my God she has my Samsung Galaxy Note 3, which she used for all the self-indulgent selfies, and there was me thinking she just has to be an iPhone gal, right? Apparently not, as it was clearly Samsung-branded and was too big to be the Galaxy S4 even - wow, so she became cool in a tech sense at least? Not. I used the word "apparently" because appearances can be deceiving. My men on the street whispered to me that pre-show, she had no idea how to use the bloody thing, and needed on-site in situ training on how to capture images on that sleek, white beast. Aha!
Like everything else in Hollywood, it's all about the image. And the money. Even though one is a loyal iPhone lover, if one is paid truckloads to prance around taking self-loving selfies on a competitor brand's device, well, why not? I can go straight back to Apple after the show, and yet I looked supercool on TV watched by millions. It's win-win!
Speaking of win-win, someone please tell me that DWTS has confirmed that Ellen Degeneres will never be invited to become one of the celebrity dancers on that show because that would become another one of the great miscarriages of justice in modern times! Don't tell me that any sane person considers her start-of-show stairwalks to be in any way equitable with the term "dancing", and let's definitely not discuss her straddling a coffee table or her legs suspended above it to be remotely anything other than the personification of the word ridiculous.
You see? I did warn you that the chill in the air might infiltrate the tone of today's post but let me reassure you, pop culture peeps one and all, that every single word has at least a large dose of reality and truth typed into it. I am rarely far from the bullseye, people, and am willing to share even the frozen truth when instance commands it. Now then, they do tell me that more spring-like temperatures are coming, and in the meantime I am off to procure a large tumbler of that exquisite chocolatey espresso allonge sourced from an emperor's private stock in a recently opened pyramid in Egypt! ;) - Kevin Mc
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