"What I would do is come up with an expression that while being even bizarre, could readily summarize the order, and be readily memorable. It raised an important question for which there was no clear answer: is it okay to remember the ordering of my alluring alkanes by not wasting my time on memorization, but by creativity, and then use the precious time to go further ahead in the textbook?
This approach was the alternative to having to repeat-repeat-repeat things in my head, which was as boring as Sundays, and did not seem to require “intelligence”, in my mind. I did my best to construct grammatically correct (or bloody close!) sentences for my tools of the trade, so then I was performing a service to both English grammar and literature. “May Edward punch Bob?” is a perfect sentence, with a subject, an object, a verb and punctuation. Even Mrs. Crawford would be forced to concur, under enormous pressure from the Judge, as an expert witness for the prosecution.
“I would remind the witness that we are not here to debate the relative virtue of the English language, as compared to organic chemistry. No! Answer the question, Madam, or I will have you in contempt! Is the sentence that young Carrington constructed to outline the ordered ascension of the alkane series grammatically correct or not?
“Yes, your honour, but…..”
“Silence! Yes or no will suffice, Madam. I must instruct the jury to acquit, given that we are not here to compare chemistry with English. Rather we are here to decide if there has been an abusive misuse of the “Beloved Bard’s” language, in a chemistry class. In the latter question, even the expert witness for the prosecution has been forced to admit that Carrington’s grammar was sound.”
“Objection!”
Overruled, counsel. Bailiff, unchain the defendant. Young man you are free to go, and you can continue to use perfectly constructed sentences as a tool of the trade in the pursuit of your beloved chemistry.
I knew that the Judge would see things my way!
In Stephen McConkey’s case, like myself and molecules, he literally had numbers running through his head, 24/7. He used to remind me of those slot machines in the arcade, with the wheels turning, sequentially ending up with three red strawberries. You could see McConkey’s eyes glaze over, the cogs racing, and then the numbers appearing in his eyes, as he had the answer.
“Max, we have just completed half of our day at school, this means we have only three point five hours to go, or, two hundred and ten minutes, or if you prefer, twelve thousand six hundred seconds, or at an extreme, twelve point six million milliseconds to go until freedom! Not bad Max!”
It wasn’t that he had actually learned that, per se. It was that he had a calculator for a brain, and once the penny was dropped into the slot, boom, the wheels turned and the numbers flew, and out popped the answer. So he had a gift, and he used it to sail through any mathematical problem. Most of us loved it, but it sometimes came with a derisive retort from a boy who hated school with a passion.
“McConkey, I am gonna slap you. You manage to take the good news that half the day is finally over, but manage to take what’s left and magnify it up by millions!”
Similarly, Parker Cornell also had chemistry in his veins; he lived, breathed and probably shat out more chemistry than most boys ever learned about the subject. It used to amaze me how a boy (or girl) could come to school, see a subject they had never taken before, and be so brilliant at it. It was as if it was in their genes or something. Parker was a star, from day one. What I loved about him was the fact that he was never arrogant or cocky about it, he just talked to you about it like some old professor from Oxford or Cambridge.
“No, Max. That’s not how it works. Vulcanization has nothing to do with Star Trek, at all. It is a process where polymer molecules are cross-linked and cured, in the presence of sulphur atoms, forming an extremely strong covalently-linked polymer, used in the manufacture of rubber. It is used in, for example, car tires. No big shock that the process was discovered by none other than Goodyear, in 1839.”
He would correct you without a moment of humour, or condescension. He also had a photographic memory, which made him a double threat. We would test him occasionally, bringing in a page from a chemistry book two years ahead of where we were, let him look at it, then ask him questions. He had it. But he was one of those boys who had the gift, but was not a sociable one, nor was made for regular society. He stood out, but only quietly, preferring not to be noticed and wanting no attention. Of course, these type of kids usually had a rough time of it for being swots, but he seemed to escape the focus. One time though, a boy from the year above us started picking on him in the line for the canteen, calling him a woman, and a swot and kicking his ankles.
Poor Parker, he really had no idea what to do and it was painful to watch. I had been there often enough, and I didn’t need any more kicking myself. But the hero of our year arrived at a perfect moment. The thing I loved about Rodney was he was a man’s man, tough as nails, but never once in seven years of school did I see him pick on anyone weaker than himself. He only picked on boys older than himself, if they went looking for it. When he saw an older boy who was not even particularly hard, picking on an easy target from our year, he would step in and take control of the situation. He beat the living shit out of the boy who had picked on Parker, warning him at the end that if he ever spoke to Parker again, he was a dead man.
Word spread real fast, and Parker Cornell never had a tough moment again in that school. Rodney knew Parker was not cut out for it, he just wanted to be left alone to do chemistry, and he never bothered anyone while doing it. So he was now a “free” man. Shaking hands afterwards, they made a strange couple, cut from entirely the opposite ends of life’s rich tapestry. On the one hand, there was Parker, a soft lad, rotund, soft spoken, shy, who hated sports and was truly academically brilliant. Then we had Rodney, a tough guy, athletically built, confidence pouring out of every pore, a ladies man, fantastic at all sports, and academically uninterested.
“Thanks a lot, Rodney, I didn’t expect you to help, but I am sure grateful that you did, he would have killed me, I know.”
“No worries Parker, but I will expect you to let me look over your shoulder in multiple choice tests in chemistry from now on, haha! My God, if I can get even half of your score in chemistry, my parents will be convinced I must have cheated, haha!”
This would be a classic example of symbiosis, I thought. Two different species co-existing together and both benefiting from the situation. The tough guy and the swot, one benefiting via protection from parasites and attack from superior specimens, the other benefiting via being able to utilize other forms of survival skills. We all were good at different things, but if we were to combine our gifts, we might be unstoppable, and we could rule the world! In an ironic twist of fate, the boy who had picked on Parker, and got sorted by Rodney, would take his own life by carbon monoxide poisoning in the garage at home, a few years later.
So, yes, some people just had natural learning gifts, which gave them huge advantage over everyone else. I decided that any little trick I could employ to even the score somewhat would be allowed. May Edward punch Bob was burned in my memory. As were many other expressions. All was fair in love and war, and school, as I said, was war. Anyway, no one keeps all this stuff in their heads forever, you only had to learn it now, to move on. As adults there are no more exams, and you can easily go to a book or the computer to check on which chemical does this or that. So we do what we have to do to get to the point where we don’t need to do exams anymore and can just enjoy doing what we love, which is experiments!
More and more experiments, with my beloved magical molecules...."
[Excerpted from THE MOLECULES by Kevin Mc - available now on Kindle at Amazon]
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